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AWP Drinking Game

March 4th, 2014

As with all drinking games I create, you need to pick just a few of these, because if you played with all stipulations, you would be very dead very fast. Also as always, I would appreciate suggestions and will incorporate them into the game if I like them.

“Where do you teach?” – 1 drink
“What journal/press are you with?” – 1 drink
“Hello, I’m _, the _ Editor for _.” – 2 drinks

“Do you write fiction or poetry?” – 1 drink
“Nonfiction?!” – 2 drinks

“Congratulations on your tenure!” – 1 drink
“Congratulations on your baby!” – 1 drink
“Congratulations on your book!” – 1 drink
If this is said by someone who doesn’t have and doesn’t buy the book – 2 drinks
“Congratulations on your award!” – 1 drink
If this is said by someone who was in competition for the same award – chug

See someone you know as you walk past each other in opposite directions – 1 drink
If it’s while crossing a street, riding up/down escalators, or anywhere else it’s impossible to stop – chug

Endless unsuccessful attempts to coordinate meeting with a friend – 1 drink
If it’s followed by the sort of accidental encounter noted above – chug

Mistaken for someone else – 1 drink
Someone uses the name badge stare to identify someone else – 1 drink
If the interest level of the identifier immediately vanishes – 2 drinks
If it’s someone you’ve known for years – chug

Look past your conversational partner to identify someone else walking by – 1 drink
If it’s followed by immediate departure from the conversation to chase the other – chug

Approach someone you know only online or have only met briefly at a prior AWP to say hello – 1 drink
If you avoid the person because you’re not sure whether they like you or not – 2 drinks
If you realize once you approach that you’ve stepped into the middle of an argument, nervous breakdown, or other crisis – chug

Introduce yourself to a writer you admire – 1 drink
If you babble, stutter, try to ask for a favor, or say anything you kick yourself for later – 2 drinks
If you chicken out and pretend you were doing something else the whole time – chug

Lost in the bookfair – 1 drink
Avoid eye contact with random table/booth staffers in the book fair – 1 drink
Take candy/freebies from a table you don’t care about at all – 1 drink
Online-only journal without physical products or freebies – 1 drink
Desperate attempts to unload books/journals on Saturday – 1 drink

Joke about what “AWP” stands for – 1 drink
Comment about being exhausted/dazed as usual at AWP – 1 drink
Freakout about the pending/ongoing winter storm due to AWP’s brilliant scheduling choices – 1 drink
Conversation about how to fit all these books/journals into luggage – 1 drink

Ask someone to sign a book – 1 drink
Sign your book for someone – 2 drinks
You sign books for each other – chug/get a room

Flirt with someone when you know it’s going nowhere – 1 drink
If it’s with someone whose gender/sexual orientation don’t even match your preferences – 2 drinks
If it actually does go somewhere – chug

Jericho Brown – 1 drink

Talk about getting writing done while at AWP – 1 drink
If you actually get any writing done – chug

Solicited for submissions – 1 drink
If it’s by a place that’s rejected you previously – 2 drinks
If you solicit someone for a submission only to realize they’ve already sent work you rejected – chug

Thank a press/journal for publishing you – 1 drink
Introduce yourself to press/journal by telling them they’ve rejected you – 2 drinks
Ask a press to read your manuscript – chug
Ask a press/journal to describe their “aesthetic” when a dozen of their books/issues are on the table in front of you – chug, then break the bottle over your head

Panel title with a colon/dash and more than 10 words – 1 drink
Panelist makes self-deprecating joke about being intimidated by/inferior to the other panelists – 1 drink
Panelist reads in a monotone from a prepared paper – 1 drink
Panelist gives talk that seems tangential at best to the panel topic – 1 drink
Audience member attempts to hijack Q&A session with long and/or self-aggrandizing “question” – 2 drinks
Complaint about not enough pedagogy panels – 1 drinks
Complaint about too many pedagogy panels – 2 drinks
Panel you missed is described with the words “argumentative” or “fireworks” – 1 drink
Panel dedicated to a recently deceased writer – 1 drink
If you knew them personally – chug
If you wonder what your memorial panel would be like – play the full drinking game

Lost going to offsite event – 1 drink
Offsite event at a bar where the ambient noise drowns out the readers – 1 drink
Offsite event centered around something other than literature (e.g. comedy, rap, basketball, etc.) – 1 drink
Offsite event where at least half the audience is sitting on the floor – 1 drink
Offsite venue double-booked – 1 drink
Main draw no-shows offsite event – 1 drink
Reader at offsite event goes substantially over allotted time – 1 drink
Reader at offsite event comes closer to performance art than reading – 1 drink
If it’s not a poet or “hybrid/experimental” writer – chug

MFA students go to the AWP dance party – 1 drink
Middle-aged professors go to the AWP dance party – chug

Oversized beard – 1 drink
Oversized glasses frames – 1 drink
Oversized carry-on bag – 1 drink

Flight delay – 1 drink
Flight can’t take off because it has too many books/journals on it – 2 drinks
Flight cancellation – chug

You have a drink – 1 drink
If you usually don’t drink – 2 drinks
If it’s at the conference hotel bar – 2 drinks
If it’s sitting on the floor of the conference hotel bar – chug
If you find a good bar within walking distance that’s not packed – chug
If you turn down a free drink – chug